Dear DoubleTake,
My boyfriend of five years often accuses me of cheating, although I haven't.
It got real bad about two years ago. He thought that I was a prostitute. I wasn't, but I made a mistake and told him I did. I was over at my parents' house, and he said if I didn't confess then he wasn't going to come pick me up.
I loved him and I wanted to be with him, so I falsely admitted to it. I just didn't think that it would be this bad.
Please help me. I don't know what to do.

EDDIE SAYS:

Here's what you do: Break up with him. Stop talking to him. Don't take his calls. Don't worry about finding another guy for a while unless you're sure it's actually someone who is a nice guy.

I've said before that I don't like to point fingers and say something is emotional abuse. But no other term fits in this case. When someone forces you to lie about doing something illegal and, most would say, immoral just to control you, he shows you that he is a scumbag.

The fact that you still feel like you were the one who did something wrong and needs to fix this shows how really messed up you are over this relationship.

However hard it is, get away. Now. Things will not get better with him. Ever.

BETTY SAYS:

It's baffling that you would make up such an egregious lie about yourself to get a jealous boyfriend to come over. Is your attachment out of fear that he'll leave you. Are you afraid that losing him will cause your quality of life to suffer?

Whatever this fear is, you've got to face it head-on and find a way to mend it. Somehow, you've ended up with a bad boyfriend who's walked all over you and made you a liar because you were afraid to speak the truth. So fight back.

If the fear is being alone, tell yourself that there's another man in your future who won't have your boyfriend's pent-up aggression.

If it's fear of hurting him, think of all the times he's jabbed you emotionally.

And if you're hanging onto this guy as a means to get away from a dismal or boring home life with your parents, reach out to friends who will let you stay over while you're in transition.

Another five years of false accusations against your good character isn't what you want. So when you're ready to have the breakup talk, do it in a safe, public place and consider having a friend around to give you a ride home.

He'll want to weasel his way back into your life after a few weeks; be strong in that you don't have to listen to his skewed ideas.

Disagree With Double Take? Offer Your Own Advice

Do you need a second -- and third -- opinion about a problem in your life? Ask Double Take and you'll get two points of view: one from Eddie, a married family man in his early 30s, and one from Betty, a single woman in her 20s.

E-mail questions to doubletake@ibsys.com. A new column is published every other Tuesday.

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Double Take writers are not trained psychologists and their responses should not be taken as a substitute for professional advice. Double Take reserves the right to edit submissions. Double Take Archive:
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