The last thing on my mind he was behind the car....i hear screaming...it all broke loose...our neighbors run out...i couldn't figure out what was going on....we are just in shock...how did this happen..what just happened...

he had worked on Jake for hours and he and the nurses were trying to say it...

one of my dearest friends as we were walking out she was walking in..she said hows Jake...i said he didn't make it...

i just looked at her...at that moment you can't process what is going on...

for first 2 years it was rough..,it was raw....there were nights when drew would just cry out for Jake ..there's nothing that prepares you for that...

it was such a hurt and heartache that there was nothing that would help it but god...

i can see why people go to drugs or alcohol..or take there own life ...if there is no hope of heaven...what is the point...

when you don't know how your going to get through the next 10 minutes let alone a life time without you son....it awakened those promises were for me..i came to the conclusion that he had written that whole book and what he said was true...

we asked god not to waste the pain...and that people would be touched through this..

we had a family in Colorado..lost a.baby just 5 months old....we were able to love on them....

in his perfect plan he created good out of something there was no good in...

our prayer is that we show hope to others...that when they look at us they see not that we are special...but that our god is special...

i wonder is he would like to hunt with me...if he would like music...i wonder is he is still a toddler in heaven....that would be cool if he was.. just stuck in that 23 month old shell....that be cool...